The Health Care System - A Caveat

My mom was 95 when she died. Thanks to a long-term family interest in alternative health care she was never on any serious medication, and I think that's part of the reason she lived so long.

Pharmaceutical drugs are fine for epidemics and emergency situations. We have much to be grateful for there. But we have lost sight of the fact that the human body was created to operate perfectly efficiently without intervention from the pharmaceutical industry.

Unfortunately, the Health Establishment has become the front man and trialling-ground for companies dedicated to pursuing the mighty $ by furthering the use of artificial chemicals in the bodies and everyday lives of as many human beings as possible.

If you doubt me, just think how many drugs, touted as "tested" and "safe" have been withdrawn and are now the subject of class-action lawsuits.

Be aware of this as you watch over the daily health of your patient. Be aware also, that the administration of one drug inevitably leads to the administration of further drugs to alleviate the side-effects of the first - and the second - and the third.

As a case in point, I strongly recommend you read my post called "Blood Pressure". This is something that concerns many people, especially as they get older. It is also the thin end of the wedge, as you will see if you read about it. I put this post also on my Health News Blog and have had some great feedback from it.

It's very much in your interest, if you don't have the knowledge already, to learn a bit about natural health and why we get sick, and I recommend you start your journey on my Health News Splash Page. Go ahead and read it - it won't ask you to put in your name and email address, still less try to sell you anything, and there's even more interesting stuff inside the site itself: some 'back to basics' information that's been all but forgotten lately.

The reason I'm pointing all this out is that you have a difficult enough road dealing with the vagaries of your patient's mental state and disposition, without being beleaguered by physical health issues as well. These health issues of old age are not unavoidable, they are not necessarily incurable, and you can do a lot to lighten your load if you follow some of the principles of naturally healthy living in caring for your patient.

It's not that hard, or expensive - as you'll see ...

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

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Carer Help

Because blogs are not that easy to navigate, I've decided to get together my thoughts on advice to help carers - not with issues like available help, legal issues and finances, all of which can be researched on the net. These aspects are state or country specific anyway, so everyone needs to do their own homework.

Having said that, I would recommend getting an enduring power of attorney in place as soon as possible - but that's something you need to talk to your lawyer about. Bear in mind that in my case by the time I felt I could do with it, my mom was past being able to make the legal decision.

In a way, it wasn't all that necessary for me because we already lived togther in the same home, so there was no need to sell real estate. Similarly, there were no investment issues to deal with. But it could be a very different story for you.

I have to say that it's not easy to raise with a loved parent the need for them to hand over to you the managment of their lives and possessions. Some people might find that simple to do - well, bully for them. I'm not ashamed to say that I didn't - one of the main reasons being the cold calculation required to tell someone you love that they are approaching death - because that's what it amounts to.

I shirked doing this, not because I couldn't face the truth myself, but because of the effect it would have on my mother's mindset. And that's not something that everyone may have thoughts of or even care about.

Think yourself lucky if the patient, while still compos mentis, initiates this step themselves. That's something to be grateful for. Otherwise, things can slip considerably before you realize what's going on. The guts of the matter is being aware well in advance of what's about to happen, and that's a rare gift, unless you've seen it all before, or read about it. Thank goodness Alzheimers is much more discussed these days than it was 10 years ago.

What I'm going to be looking at is some of the advice that most helped me in dealing with my mom's journey - some things I wish I'd known earlier, and things that gradually became clearer to me as time passed. 

Because I've always had a strong interest in alternative health care, most of the things I'm going to be talking about are ways to help your patient's health. I'm not a healthcare professional and I don't want to be seen to be advising people on health matters, but I WILL be offering some common-sense thoughts and suggestions to make a difference to YOUR day.

Stay tuned!

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James

NOW - I haven't told the stories in the last series of posts to say, "Look at me!" Far from it.

I am simply offering my experiences in the hope that they might be of help or strike a chord with someone else. I know very well what it's like to be in that lonely place called the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and I'm more than ever convinced that we are not alone there, even though it may feel that way most of the time.

We are all individuals, and in some ways our experiences are going to be individual. But basically, I am no different from anyone else. God is faithful, His orchestration of events is masterly, and He does not give up on us. He is there for every single one of us, IF our motives are right and IF we will only seek Him.

And those are two big IFs. Nearly 2000 years ago words were written that sum up very clearly how big those two IFs are.

One of my favorite reads is the Epistle of James the brother of Jesus, written to the expatriate Hebrews living throughout the Mediterranean world. I admire this book tremendously.

James has the same forthright, no-messing style that his brother had. Jesus called a spade a spade and He didn't hesitate to rebuke and condemn where necessary. It's significant that His words of condemnation were saved not for sinners or the down-and-outs but for the rich and the powerful of His time - the pillars of the Church, no less. Jesus came to state the truth and to prove that power does not reside in earthly wealth or position. No wonder he was executed.

James is well worth a read in a day and age when we are struggling to undertand why some of our greatest edifices are crumbling beneath our feet. Especially in a good modern translation he comes across clear and strong:

"You want things but you cannot have them, so you are ready to kill. You desire things, but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight.

"You do not have what you want because you do not ask God for it. And when you ask you do not receive because your motives are bad."

James 4:2-3

This applies to individuals, it applies to families, it applies to corporations and it applies to governments. It is at the root of all our troubles.

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

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Confirmation

I was still worrying, after Kath's death, about what had become of her. Silly, isn't it - but I couldn't help it. I kept thinking about how lost she had been and how she was unable at the end to ask the Lord into her life.

On the one hand, it seemed to me that her 'stroke of midnight' passing was very significant. It felt like an appointment - as if it had been timed to let me know that God had come for her indeed.

Nonetheless, a nasty little voice in my ear kept whispering that I was being too presumptuous, that I was making something out of nothing, and who was I to think that the Almighty would be sending signs to me anyway? The seed of the serpent was at work, as he always is, trying to undermine and destroy. All I could do was to keep on quietly Knockin' on Heaven's Door with my hope that she was safe.

It was a Sunday about a month after my mother's passing, and I went to church. There was a couple doing door duty whom I hadn't seen for many weeks because he had been preaching elsewhere. As I went in, they pointed out some friends of theirs - long-time Christians - visiting from about 500 miles down country.

I always believe in making visitors feel at home so I went and sat right behind these people and got talking to them. Exactly how the conversation started I don't remember, but the wife, who was a lovely lady, of her own accord launched into telling me about how God gives. Her final words as the service started up were, "..and you know, God comes at midnight..." She turned away and I sat transfixed: in fact the service went by in something of a blur.

After it was over I asked her if she had any idea what her last words meant to me. She shook her head. I explained the circumstances of my mom's illness and her death, and how the words she had just spoken were an answer to the question that had been plaguing me.

She wasn't the least bit surprised. "Well, we've had a great week's fishing in our friends' boat, " she said . "We had a good catch and we were going to get away back home first thing this morning, but something made us decide instead to come to church. As soon as you walked in the door, I knew I had a message of some sort for you. And the second part of the message is that God loves you."

I felt totally humbled. Here I was wallowing in my unbelief, and the answer had been sent to me via people from 500 miles away.

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

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Picking up the Pieces in 1985

The day after Ken died I had half a dozen Review hearings to do for the Accident Compensation Corporation - a full day's work. I'd rung the office the afternoon before to tell them he had passed on and was asked if I wanted the hearings schedule cancelled. I'd said no - the show must go on. The rooms had been booked and the arrangements with all the parties were made, and anyway I thought it would be good for me and for Kath not to sit moping. I took her with me.

I always held the Hamilton hearings high up in one of the city's central buildings, with huge windows and great views out over the rooftops. It was a brilliant sunny winter's day. Kath sat in an adjacent room, I popped in and out between my court sessions, and we were able to have lunch together. That was the start of a new phase of life, in which I stepped into my father's shoes. It was the natural thing to do and it was also the only thing to do - there was no-one else.

The other time I felt my dad reach out to me was about 5 months later in early 1986 after we had made the decision not to sell this property - which he'd often said we would have to sell after he was gone. With its half-built house and 10 acres, it wasn't easy to take on, but I loved the place, and could no more have sold it than fly in the air.

It was over the Christmas 1985 holidays, which we spent here, that Kath and I made up our minds to come back here to live. It meant finishing the house, selling my home in Cambridge and moving all my stuff. I also had to complete my contracts with the ACC and the Waikato Polytechnic, where I was the lecturer in Business Law. I was already signed up for the coming year. And I had no idea what I was going to do for an income.

One day not too long after the decision was made, we came home from somewhere and I pulled up at the first of our gates. This is aways kept shut because of stock. As I watched my mom go forward to open the gate for me to drive through, it came to me how many times my dad must have done this over the years, and I suddenly felt his presence again. At that same instant, a powerful sense of warmth, peace, love and "rightness" flooded through me, lasting for several moments. It felt like a blessing - an approval of our decision to stay.

I haven't had any experiences like this with Kath. But one event connected with her had a huge impact on me ...

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

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Thursday, 8th August 1985

My dad died in the Waikato Hospital in Hamilton in August 1985, just a couple of days before his birthday. It was a huge wrench for both me and my mom.

Kath had spent a very grueling week at his side in the Waikato Hospital. When it was all over we went back to my house in the late afternoon and once we got to bed that night she was soon asleep.

But I lay awake with a book I'd brought back to New Zealand 2 years back from his twin sister's estate in Marblehead MA called "Life After Life" by Raymond Moody - a doctor who researched many near-death episodes after some of his patients started telling him about their experiences. My dad was no longer on this earth and I simply wanted to understand what might be happening to him, that was all. I'd read the book before, but I needed to read it again.

How long I'd been reading I don't know but suddenly I was aware of my father's presence in the room. I can recall this as clearly as if it was yesterday.

"Well, Ken," I said inside my head, "I guess you know all about everything, now."
"No," he replied, "Not everything ... just some things ..." With that, he was gone. I put the book down and settled down to sleep.

Now, you might tell me I had dozed and dreamed it. You might say the book influenced my mind - although it says nothing about ADCs (After Death Communications). It focuses entirely on experiences of people who were either close to death or died clinically and who for one reason or another revived and lived to tell the tale. Definitely no ADCs there.

In fact, though I've got a couple of books on ADC listed in the sidebar for visitors who might be interested, I have to confess I STILL haven't read a single book on the topic, and probably never will. So ADC sure wasn't in my thoughts 20 years ago.

Like it or not, I choose to see this episode as evidence, not only that there is a life beyond death, but also that the process of growing and learning continues, as my father had always said.

I think he came back to tell me that.

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

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Kenneth Methuen Howitt - My Father

This picture shows my father and my grandfather - William Ernest Howitt - both of them Regimantal Sergeant Major of the 1st Battalion Scots Guards in their day.

Sadly, I don't remember my grandfather very well because he'd been gassed in the trenches in France in the 1914-18 War and he was never a well man after that. He died when I was a toddler. He used to call me "Poppy".

My dad had plenty of time to prepare himself for death - he lived for 5 years after being diagnosed with chronic lymphatic leukaemia in 1980, following a freak accidental exposure to agricultural chemicals, and was in full possession of his faculties until the end.

He had a stong belief in the continued existence of the soul after dying and in his final years often referred to his body as "the old overcoat".

His death was much harder for me to take than Kath's, partly because we were much closer spiritually and I guess, too, it's harder to part with someone who is still fully "there" with you until the last.

He had always insisted I get a good education because his own schooling was unsatisfactory - something he had to rectify later in life in the army. He wasn't going to see me go the same route, and he set an example by always being open to learning new stuff. "Knowledge" was his motto.

He used to tell me that we are like tapes, and the more learning and knowledge we have on our tape when we die, the better. At the time he passed away down in Hamilton in August 1985, 2 days off his 70th birthday, he was talking of learning about and getting into the world of computing. This background will help you understand the communication I'll describe in my next post.

Framed Art Prints and Posters by Patricia Howitt @ Artflakes

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Moments in Time 4

Two more photos taken at about the same as the last one - all during the family's visit to us in Scotland:


Kath on the right again - this one obviously taken at Balmoral.



I think this was at the docks in Aberdeen - me with my little bakelite brownie camera in hand! Must say, I'm loving finding these photos.

The thing I can remember most about this visit was a blazing row (unheard of in our family) between my dad and my grandmother on the topic of me having braces on my teeth because they were starting to protrude. My grandmother said, "Leave her as God made her," and my father disagreed entirely. It turned out I had a crowded mouth and had to have a tooth removed at the top on each side, followed by the usual painful period of braces. But I'm very glad my dad went ahead and did what he knew was right!

Framed Art Prints and Posters by Patricia Howitt @ Artflakes

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Moments in Time 3

Here's another family photo spanning three generations that I've just come across and really like:



Left to right: My nana (Ken's mother), a lady I can't remember, Ken's sister Ena, me and Kath. I just don't know exactly where it was taken, but I know it was somewhere near Aberdeen, when the family came up to visit us and we went to see Balmoral. I like the way Kath's got her hand on my shoulder.

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Moments in Time 2

Here is another frozen moment - my mom (on the right) and my dad's twin sister Ena, sitting together on a wall, somewhere - probably before my mom and dad got married. Her pose is almost identical to another striking pic I have of her sitting on a wall in London, which I have misplaced (I hope temporarily).


It's great getting these photos out and looking at them again - it's almost as if time doesn't exist - and it's a great way to bridge those years that in many ways I'd rather forget.

My dear neighbour's wife is suffering from dementia and sometimes when I see her she reminds me of Kath - and like Kath she has her bad days and her good days. I think it's much harder for a man to cope with this stuff than for a woman, so I visit often and let him get it off his chest to me.

I went in a couple of hours ago after doing some shopping, and he is coming over tomorrow to help me change the belt on my waterpump. I think a bit of time away does him good, and I am and have always been eternally grateful for the help he has given me over the years.

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Moments in Time

This was taken one winter in the late 70's when I was home for a week's holiday, that turned out to be longer than expected. I came down with pneumonia and spent a couple of weeks in hospital. At the same time, Kath had bronchitis and we were both "recovering" - well wrapped up and feeling a bit groggy.

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Helen Kathleen Howitt (nee Batterham) - My Mother

On the Sunday morning after Kath's death I went to sit with her coffin, as she and I had done with my father's in 1985, before it was taken away for cremation. I made up some flowers from our garden and our neighbour's, and I took along a number of photos of her in her prime.

Several people said they might come, but in the event no-one made it, so it was just me and the funeral director - and the music from "Simply Worship II". It was better that way because it helped me to retain my composure.

Her coffin was closed, and the man asked me if I would like it opened but I said "no". I'd said my farewell to her body in early hours of the morning before and now all I wanted to do was try and remember her as she used to be. The array of photos on the coffin was a start towards getting my mind back to my real mother. Ten years is a long time.

This was my farewell:

"Dear Kath,
I have come today to say farewell and pay my respects to your earthly body before it is returned to the cycle of creation. You don't need this body anymore because you now have a beautiful spiritual body, without pain or blemish, and you are flying with the angels and souls in God's kingdom. May the joy and peace of God which passeth all understanding, surround you for eternity, and may you live in the house of the Lord forever." 
Patricia

The following Friday we had an afternoon tea for Kath at the hospital. It was a wonderful exchange of support and reminiscences. I took the photos along because I knew most of the staff had only ever seen her as a fragile little lady whose mind was gone. I told them about her past - her skill with figures and accounts, the positions she'd held in different companies and the help she had been to both my dad and me with house building and managing the land and the stock.

They were amazed, at the photos especially. In return I got some valuable reminiscences about her. The bulding manager recalled my father being admitted there in one of the crises of his illness. He remembered driving my dad's Fiat X19 with my mom as a passenger (she couldn't drive) down to the village to do some errands. He made the point how very friendly and lady-like she was. I loved that. She came from a good family and she knew how to behave and how to treat people right. I hope some of that rubbed off on me - it's been a dying quality in the world lately.

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Reverse Gangrene and The Carer

All of us who have handled Alzheimers in our parents are very much aware of the possibility of inheriting it. I have said many times over recent years that I've dealt with this disease once in my life, and I do NOT want to be called upon to deal with it again - in the 1st person. For that reason, I'm trying to implement for myself as much as possible the Reverse Gangrene dietary recommendations.

When you look at the diet our original hunter-gatherer ancestors must have lived on, there's no doubt that we have come a very long way from it in a relatively short time - and it's all downhill. It probably wouldn't hurt any of us to return to that style of diet as much as possible. It's also likely to cost us less - especially if we are able to grow our own veggies.

It's not an "easy" diet - it doesn't pander to our depraved appetites (especially when it comes to sugar). BUT - no pain, no gain.

By way of confirmation, the Reverse Gangrene principles are very similar to the diet recommended by another highly respected online health expert - Dr Joseph Mercola MD.

And for good measure, you will find some vey interesting reading along the same lines in a brilliant website authored by John B. Symes, D.V.M., a veterinarian with over 28 years of clinical experience who has some important insights into why our health and the health of our pets has deteriorated in the last few decades.

While you are on Dr Mercola's site, type "green china tea" into his search box and you will find that's another thing that's said to be good for Alzheimers Disease. You'll recall I did feed it to my mom, but I think in her case it was too little, too late ...

Finally, I'd like to make one personal observation. Contrary to what one might expect, I've actually found I feel far LESS hungry once I drop all the grains out of my diet than I do when eating wheat or even rice. I substitute sunflower seeds and sesame seeds - both of which are very good for you, and once I've cleared the grains from my system, I find my digestion feels much more at peace and I'm not hankering for food all the time.

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Some Notes on Reverse Gangrene

As you may know if you've read much of this blog, or been to my Health News website, I have a strong interest in alternative health. This was born out of my own lifetime struggle with what after 20 years was finally diagnosed as chronic systemic candida, contracted on board ship in the course of a double epidemic of dysentery and asian flu. A legacy of antibiotics.

When I discovered the Reverse Gangrene site, I felt I had found another part to the huge puzzle that is the story of human health. It seemed to me that a product with the capacity to improve circulation to the extent of reversing necrosis in the extremities of the feet just MIGHT also hold a key to helping those with Alzheimers disease. I certainly felt that improving blood circulation and the level of nutrition throughout the body had possibilites for improving brain function.

I was also fascinated by the dietary recommendations on this website, written to help people give their recovery the best chance possible. When one thinks of compromised circulation, what naturally comes to mind as the main culprit is dietary fats. I was initially amazed to find that in the dietary recommendations for combating gangrene, SUGAR was at the top of the list of no-nos - not just sugar in the sense of pure white and deadly, but all types of sugar, plus carbohydrates.

Then I had a lightbulb moment regarding diabetes and the circulatory problems that diabetics are prone to. I recalled working during my university holidays at one of the rest-homes for the NZ Foundation for the Blind (Kath was responsible for this large organisation's payroll at the time), and I remembered how many of our ladies there had diabetes and how the diabetics had to have their feet watched constantly for gangrene. Sugar in the blood ...

I would very much have liked to try out the Reverse Gangrene product on Kath - not only of course in the hope of reversing her gangrene, but also to see if it would have helped her brain function. But it was not to be, and ALL I CAN DO NOW is pass on this information to others who might be able to make use of it. Again, the website is HERE - and I have absolutely nothing to gain by referring you to it.

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Comes the Night

I came back home in the middle of the afternoon to feed my stock. The hospital rang in the early evening to ask if I'd go over to Kerikeri 20 miles away the following morning to pick up a prescription for one of the drugs they were running short of. I'd have to go back to the hospital first thing to pick up the script, so I decided not to go there that night. Kath was still unconscious, and we agreed they would ring me if there was any change.

I spent the late evening on the net, and had just closed my computer down at midnight when the phone rang. It was the nurse on duty. "Your mom has just passed away," she said. "She passed away on the stroke of midnight. I heard her cry out and I went in there. Gradually her breathing slowed down and finally it stopped. I looked at the clock and it was exactly midnight." She was amazed at the precision of timing, and repeated it to me several times.

The nurse said they were going to ring the funeral director to come in the morning and they would get her body prepared.

I knew Kath needed some better clothes - she had been in a hospital nightie earlier that day - so I said, "I'll be there shortly with a change of clothes for her."

I found a lovely pink nightie with frills that I didn't know we had and a nice pair of panties, loaded my dogs into the vehicle and set off down my long drive through the trees.

I rarely drive at night, purely because I have to drive alone, but I felt completely protected as I locked my gates and drove out onto the state highway to do what I had to do.

The night was quiet and so peaceful, just as the morning had been after my father's death over 20 years before. I don't think I saw another vehicle on the road, going or coming back, which was unusual, and I felt strongly the presence of power and protection all around me.

Kath looked the same as she had done earlier in the day, but now the struggle was over. I stroked her cheek, gave her all my love and blessings, and left her in the nurses' care, and - I hoped - God's.

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Friday 23 February 2007

When I got to the hospital on Friday morning they had moved her back into the intensive care ward. It was bright and sunny - much nicer than the room she had been in for most of the week. For the first time since she was admitted, her body was completely at peace. She lay unconscious on her back with her mouth open and her eyes closed, and a brightly-colored soft toy ladybird clutched in one hand.

They had moved the morphine shunt round to her back because she kept pulling it out of her arm, and I could hear from time to time the now familiar "zzzt" as it delivered a measured dose of the drug into her body.

There was a CD player by the bed with some relaxing music playing. I went back to the car and brought out some Christian CDs. The one I chose was "Simply Worship II" by Hillsongs Australia, which has some very beautiful tracks. And I sat down by the bed, put my hand on hers and prayed to God to take her - as I had done several times over the past few days.

Pastor Lynley arrived at 1pm. She came up to the head of the bed and took hold of my mother's other hand. Bending down with her face very close to Kath's she began a wonderful whispered 'conversation' with her. She reminded Kath that soon she would be with the Lord and she would then have a perfect, beautiful, spiritual body, like the body she had as a young woman. She talked about the beauty of heaven and the joy of leaving this earth for a new existence that has no end. And I watched in fascination as her love and care reached out to touch my mother's soul. I thought of the deathbed stories I'd read and seen, and hoped Kath's soul WAS listening, somewhere nearby.

Then Lynley asked me, "Have you told her she can go?" Surprised, I said "No." I had been so busy asking God to take her, that I hadn't thought of that.

"Tell her she can go," Lynley said.

I put my hand on Kath's arm. "Lovey, you can go!" It was a painful moment.

Lynley took out her anointing oil and finished her task. We had a few moments together and then she went, having travelled nearly an hour to get there. I shall be forever grateful for the very special, personal way she ministered to my mom that day - and I shall never forget it.

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The Last Week

The next 6 days were agonizing. The morphine stood between us, so that - something I hadn't really anticipated - "normal" contact with my mother was now over.

For the first couple of days I helped her a bit with eating, but then she started refusing food, pushing away the hands that were trying to help her. On the Wednesday she was obviously hallucinating - crying out and pointing at some terrible thing that only she could see.

On the Thursday I had to go into town for a lunch meeting with some friends to discuss webdesign work that I was doing for them. They asked me how my mom was and I poured out my fears and worries. The wife asked me if she could help - she is a psychic - and she said she was doing quite a lot of work helping people through the process of death.

I have never in my life sought psychic advice or been to mediums or fortune-tellers. To me, that was equivalent to handing your mind over into someone else's control because, like it or not, whatever you are told about your future is going to stay with you and influence your mental processes from there on. But I was beside myself with worry about my mom. I have high respect for this lady - and this was slightly different. So I agreed. I asked her to find out if there was anything I could do to help Kath.

That night she rang to tell me that Kath's soul was actually now quite far away from her body, and that she felt alone and lost. "Get your Pastor in," she advised. So I rang Pastor Lynley and made an appointment with her for lunchtime Friday at the hospital.

I am truly grateful that I got this help. One of the problems for those of us who don't have a heap of experience about sickness and death is that there are so many unknowns. I had no idea how long patients in this condition can last. The doctor had told me that if she refused all food and drink she would last possibly 4 or 5 days before her kidneys gave out, but even the hospital wasn't too sure, because they were making preparations to discharge her out into my care (with the help of the District Nurses and the Hospice) on the following Monday, when her week's Respite Care was due to come to an end.

As it turned out, my friend's advice was very timely.


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Interlude

Later that evening on the internet, I typed "gangrene" into google. Looking through the results, I noticed a website called Reverse Gangrene, and went to investigate.

It is a website well worth looking at for people dealing with the elderly and with circulation problems. To anyone with an understanding of alternative medicine, it makes sense, and the product is exceptional. I showed the information to our doctor the following day and asked her if I should order some. She was impressed and said "Yes!"

But it wasn't to be. When I rang the firm in Canada, there had been an unprecedented run on the product and they were completely out of stock for 6 weeks while more was being manufactured.

So: I had been given access to the information - but Kath's time had really come at last.

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Hospital Again

I rang our small hospital and they told me to bring her in right away. As we drove the few miles to get there, she once again turned to me in the car and said, "I love you."

"I love you too." I replied, my heart heavy. My mind was in turmoil.

They admited her to the small emergency ward and ran the usual admission tests. Then I had a long talk with the doctor on duty, who happened to be our own lady doctor. We canvassed the possibilities - amputation, or let the disease take its course.

I felt within me a stong resistance to putting her through surgery. And something kept saying, "For what purpose? What quality of life does she have to warrant putting her through all that just to keep her alive?" I told Doctor Alison how I felt and she concurred - "We'll get her on morphine for the pain," she said, "and we can always rethink it." It isn't easy having someone's life in your hands.

After I got home that evening - a beautiful, warm February evening - I walked up onto my hill below the big rock. My last few goats were grazing quietly there and I thought of the many times Kath and I had moved the flock around our small paddocks in our farming years.

I sat down on the grass not far from where they were and looked out over

the Waiare Valley to the distant hills beyond.

This property has been in my family since 1969 and I know my parents loved it as much as I do. I needed to be outside, to feel the power of the earth and its Creator, to ground myself for the decision that still lay upon me.

It's very hard to decide to "do nothing" when the inevitable outcome is going to be the death of a loved one. I must have sat there for half an hour, thinking and praying. Finally as I got to my feet I was able to say, "Lord, thy will be done." ... and mean it.

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Back Home

When I got Kath home I soon found out how much she had lost during that week. It was now very hard to get her walking with the frame and I had some awful struggles getting her to the bathroom. Our District Nurse (who also did part-time at the hospital) confirmed my suspicions. "I told them what they were doing would make things hard for you," she said. Kath also seemed to be losing her appetite, which wasn't like her and it had me worried.

While she was away I'd bought a secondhand Lazyboy chair because I'd heard she enjoyed the one at Kawakawa, so when our District Nurse called on the Wednesday, she was sitting there in all her glory. So far so good - the toe was pronounced satisfactory.

But when the nurse came back on the Friday (16th February) she shook her head. "This doesn't look good to me." she said. "It looks like gangrene."

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The Foot

We had been having problems with small pressure sores on Kath's feet - not unusual in the elderly. She wasn't a diabetic but foot circulation weakens when they don't walk very well, and she had become less and less mobile. She had a walking frame now and the District Nurses were coming twice a week.

One sore on the side of her right big toe wasn't healing and the nurses were debriding it carefully. Then on the recommendation of a relieving District Nurse she was seen by a doctor who sliced off some of the slough. Things flared up and about 4 days later she was referred down to the hospital at Kawakawa about 45 miles away with cellulitis of the toe. That was Tuesday 6th February 2007.

We drove down and finally got into A&E. There was a very nice South African doctor on duty there, and in spite of everything I was tickled to see Kath flirting with him. I am grateful for the way he treated her as a real human being, and at the same time gave me that momentary flashback to the mother I once had. Finally, she got admitted to a ward and after spending a little time with her I was free to drive back home.

She was in there for a week. I think they had a bit of trouble getting her settled to start with, but they had seen how tired I was and they told me not to go down, so I stayed away until they discharged her on the following Tuesday.

When I got there she was is a nightie in a wheelchair and I guessed right away that she probably hadn't walked much all week. They didn't have her hair tied up in a little ponytail like I always did (it made her look younger that way) and as I wheeled her out to the car I looked down on the top of her head and realised how fragile it was.

I got her loaded into the vehicle and off we went. Before we had gone very far, she turned to me and said, "I love you."

"I love you too," I replied. "Come on, let's get an ice-cream."

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The Valley Narrows

I have now come to realise that though we may call ourselves Christian because of our general belief system, until we actually commit our lives to Christ, hand over the reins and ask Him to lead us, we belong to the world of His adversary. Many people do not realise that, and nor did I.

I managed to take my mom to attend a couple of services at church, but she didn't really enjoy them, or fully understand what was going on. The music upset her, which was a bit of a drama, but at least I tried. I realised very clearly that she no longer had the understanding for the sinner's prayer and the step I'd just taken. I was very sad about that.

The only thing I could comfort myself with was that throughout the middle stages of her illness we had frequently recited the Lord's Prayer, and it was she who always began it, though increasingly I had to finish it off. Earlier than that even, when we managed our flock of dairy goats, our favorite saying had been the old hymn, "Shepherd show me how to go o'er the hillside steep. How to gather, how to sow, how to feed Thy sheep ..."

Yes, Kath brought me up to it, and in the latter years of her dementia, she also cried out to God a lot in her everyday speech.

The first weekend in November, when she was in care again, the church had a healing service, and afterwards I went forward and asked for prayer for my mom. The Pastor took my face in her hands and said "Your mom's time is very close, but the Lord sees what you have been doing and He is well pleased with you." She went on to pray for us both.

This revelation hit me hard. It is strange how we know an outcome is inevitable, and yet when we are told it is close, the truth comes as a shock. I can remember afterwards while eveyone was chatting and having a cup of tea, I sat on a bench close to the door and looked out at the trees and the sunshine, trying to come to grips with it.

"Very close." How soon is very close? Weeks? Months? ... Days?

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A Blessed Respite

Early in October 2006, when my mom was in Respite Care for the week, a friend asked me if I would like to go to church with her and her husband.

All my life, except for my young years in Sunday School, I have never been a church-goer. My family and I would definitely have classed ourselves as Christians, and I know that after my dad was diagnosed with leukaemia he read the Bible quite a lot, but we hadn't attended church for years. I actually had a 'thing' about churches because I looked on 'religion' and churches as man-made things - which they are. My views on that have not changed.

Anyway, I agreed to go. I knew my friends attended a small interdenominational fellowship about half an hour's drive north from here on a beautiful stretch of our Far North coast.


This small church has a wonderful Worship Team. Well, the music and the presence of God's love that filled the school hall that day brought me to tears. Not only that, they were having a baptising day and so in a couple of hours, along with 3 others, I entered the chilly October waters of the South Pacific and was baptised into the Lord's family.

Without a doubt, that was THE greatest day of my life. Kind members of this tiny congregation - who had never heard of me before - were inspired to bring scriptures for me after it was over, and - amazingly enough - several of them were identical. It was a promise that I now see coming to pass:

"I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten." Joel 2:25

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My Diversions

You wouldn't be mistaken if you thought that somewhere in my life there must be something that keeps the ship steady. Though I'd had a busy career in the law it definitely wasn't that.

Because it's nice to have a break from all the writing on blogs, I'll share some of my favorite creations with you - and I hope you like them:










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The Valley of the Shadow of Death

We've been on what I thought was the verge of death several times.

The last time I left Kath alone at home for a morning to fulfil a work obligation in town (2004), I brought home a takeaway lunch. Although she had made the decision not to go with me, looking back on it I think she had been stressing while I was out.

We went into the sunshine in my bedroom and sat together on the bed to eat. Funnily enough, it was something we had never done before, but it was fortuitous because as we chatted and ate, Kath's speech suddenly slurred and faded and she lost consciousness, falling back on the bed. I suppose she had a mini-stroke. As I bent over her, shaking her shoulder gently, talking and calling to her, she sicked up the food she'd eaten.

Luckily, I had put a towel on her knee before we started, and I was able to clean up and talk her back to consciousness. I thank the presence of mind of the 111 operator who took the reins, gave me good advice, and called the ambulance for me while I called the hospital.

Actually, the whole incident had its humorous moments, too. On the way out, the ambulance got its back wheels stuck in our bog and we ended up with the fire engine trying in vain to get up the drive (after wet weather) and the police ORV coming to the rescue with its bull-bars and winch. My mom had to be offloaded from the ambulance while they got it back on the road - lucky she was pretty much recovered by then but I can still see her sitting there on the stretcher under the trees.

The second time she woke up very early one morning and announced she was dying. She was shaking and behaving really wierd. For over an hour I knelt by her bed and got her through that. Finally she dropped off to sleep and I crawled back into bed, troubled and exhausted. When she awoke later, though, she was more like her usual self.

I felt the loneliest I have ever felt on a couple of other nights when I went to bed thinking she would not be alive in the morning. Looking at her general alertness, that stage may yet be far down the track. Then again, I may wake up one morning and find it has arrived.

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