The next 6 days were agonizing. The morphine stood between us, so that - something I hadn't really anticipated - "normal" contact with my mother was now over.
For the first couple of days I helped her a bit with eating, but then she started refusing food, pushing away the hands that were trying to help her. On the Wednesday she was obviously hallucinating - crying out and pointing at some terrible thing that only she could see.
On the Thursday I had to go into town for a lunch meeting with some friends to discuss webdesign work that I was doing for them. They asked me how my mom was and I poured out my fears and worries. The wife asked me if she could help - she is a psychic - and she said she was doing quite a lot of work helping people through the process of death.
I have never in my life sought psychic advice or been to mediums or fortune-tellers. To me, that was equivalent to handing your mind over into someone else's control because, like it or not, whatever you are told about your future is going to stay with you and influence your mental processes from there on. But I was beside myself with worry about my mom. I have high respect for this lady - and this was slightly different. So I agreed. I asked her to find out if there was anything I could do to help Kath.
That night she rang to tell me that Kath's soul was actually now quite far away from her body, and that she felt alone and lost. "Get your Pastor in," she advised. So I rang Pastor Lynley and made an appointment with her for lunchtime Friday at the hospital.
I am truly grateful that I got this help. One of the problems for those of us who don't have a heap of experience about sickness and death is that there are so many unknowns. I had no idea how long patients in this condition can last. The doctor had told me that if she refused all food and drink she would last possibly 4 or 5 days before her kidneys gave out, but even the hospital wasn't too sure, because they were making preparations to discharge her out into my care (with the help of the District Nurses and the Hospice) on the following Monday, when her week's Respite Care was due to come to an end.
As it turned out, my friend's advice was very timely.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Interlude
Later that evening on the internet, I typed "gangrene" into google. Looking through the results, I noticed a website called Reverse Gangrene, and went to investigate.
It is a website well worth looking at for people dealing with the elderly and with circulation problems. To anyone with an understanding of alternative medicine, it makes sense, and the product is exceptional. I showed the information to our doctor the following day and asked her if I should order some. She was impressed and said "Yes!"
But it wasn't to be. When I rang the firm in Canada, there had been an unprecedented run on the product and they were completely out of stock for 6 weeks while more was being manufactured.
So: I had been given access to the information - but Kath's time had really come at last.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
It is a website well worth looking at for people dealing with the elderly and with circulation problems. To anyone with an understanding of alternative medicine, it makes sense, and the product is exceptional. I showed the information to our doctor the following day and asked her if I should order some. She was impressed and said "Yes!"
But it wasn't to be. When I rang the firm in Canada, there had been an unprecedented run on the product and they were completely out of stock for 6 weeks while more was being manufactured.
So: I had been given access to the information - but Kath's time had really come at last.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Hospital Again
I rang our small hospital and they told me to bring her in right away. As we drove the few miles to get there, she once again turned to me in the car and said, "I love you."
"I love you too." I replied, my heart heavy. My mind was in turmoil.
They admited her to the small emergency ward and ran the usual admission tests. Then I had a long talk with the doctor on duty, who happened to be our own lady doctor. We canvassed the possibilities - amputation, or let the disease take its course.
I felt within me a stong resistance to putting her through surgery. And something kept saying, "For what purpose? What quality of life does she have to warrant putting her through all that just to keep her alive?" I told Doctor Alison how I felt and she concurred - "We'll get her on morphine for the pain," she said, "and we can always rethink it." It isn't easy having someone's life in your hands.
After I got home that evening - a beautiful, warm February evening - I walked up onto my hill below the big rock. My last few goats were grazing quietly there and I thought of the many times Kath and I had moved the flock around our small paddocks in our farming years.
I sat down on the grass not far from where they were and looked out over
the Waiare Valley to the distant hills beyond.
This property has been in my family since 1969 and I know my parents loved it as much as I do. I needed to be outside, to feel the power of the earth and its Creator, to ground myself for the decision that still lay upon me.
It's very hard to decide to "do nothing" when the inevitable outcome is going to be the death of a loved one. I must have sat there for half an hour, thinking and praying. Finally as I got to my feet I was able to say, "Lord, thy will be done." ... and mean it.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
"I love you too." I replied, my heart heavy. My mind was in turmoil.
They admited her to the small emergency ward and ran the usual admission tests. Then I had a long talk with the doctor on duty, who happened to be our own lady doctor. We canvassed the possibilities - amputation, or let the disease take its course.
I felt within me a stong resistance to putting her through surgery. And something kept saying, "For what purpose? What quality of life does she have to warrant putting her through all that just to keep her alive?" I told Doctor Alison how I felt and she concurred - "We'll get her on morphine for the pain," she said, "and we can always rethink it." It isn't easy having someone's life in your hands.
After I got home that evening - a beautiful, warm February evening - I walked up onto my hill below the big rock. My last few goats were grazing quietly there and I thought of the many times Kath and I had moved the flock around our small paddocks in our farming years. I sat down on the grass not far from where they were and looked out over
the Waiare Valley to the distant hills beyond.
This property has been in my family since 1969 and I know my parents loved it as much as I do. I needed to be outside, to feel the power of the earth and its Creator, to ground myself for the decision that still lay upon me.
It's very hard to decide to "do nothing" when the inevitable outcome is going to be the death of a loved one. I must have sat there for half an hour, thinking and praying. Finally as I got to my feet I was able to say, "Lord, thy will be done." ... and mean it.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
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