The biggest trouble with all this is there is not a great deal the caregiver can do about it, which really makes one feel disempowered. All the advice, verbal and written, from the professionals seems to be that one should at all times humour the patient - at all times be sweet and soothing and nice. Well, I have news for all these people...
I appreciate the importance of this approach in institutions that are being paid for providing a service. I also appreciate its importance in dealing with rude, strong and violent patients, of which I believe Alzheimers has its share. The caregiver should not put themselves in physical danger. Luckily, I don't have a problem in that respect - and I am grateful for it - but no way am I going to be walked all over by someone who has my life in bondage, and come up smiling and sweet no matter what. Sorry!
In many ways my mom is back in her childhood and like a child, she will play a situation for all it is worth. Like any parent, I will only take so much - more on this later - and I find I can tell and tell her, and get no change of behaviour - which might make you think she lacks understanding. BUT if I take out my father's Sergeant-Major voice - though I'm a female I have a fair measure of it - and really let her have it (no swearing - my dad never, ever swore) THEN I can achieve a measure of compliance - even if only for half an hour or so while my vocal chords cool down. This is not something I ever do in town of course - it would never do to be seen shouting at a little old lady.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Another Cup of Tea ?
Writing my earlier post about the cup of tea and the toilet roll reminded me of something else that happened about a week ago. It had been a hard couple of days in which I was very conscious of the "ball and chain" effect. This probably sounds unsympathetic: I do in fact realise that this situation is very hard for my mom too, though I know her lack of moment-to-moment awareness of what she is doing probably protects her in some ways from knowing the real situation she is in.
Anyway, we had had a couple of days of unrelenting attention-seeking - even more than usual. It is fairly normal that from waking until finally falling asleep my mom almost continually seeks my presence and attention. This is pretty much the norm. Except for essentials when I leave her to take a shower or a comfort stop, or to wash dishes or cook a meal, she has my presence. However I firmly refuse to sit talking to her all day - which I know would keep her happy - mainly because I need to preserve my own sanity and pursue my living on the internet.
It was the evening of the second of these days. We had had our meal and she was propped up in bed because the evenings are cold right now. I was working on the computer when suddely I heard the tinkle-tinkle of falling liquid. I looked round to see something I had never seen before. My mom was sitting with her mug in hand held at elbow height upside-down over the edge of the bed, and the whole contents of the mug - more green china tea, no less - lay on the floor and on her bedside table.
She actually looked quite funny sitting there like that and I have no idea if she realised what she was doing or not, but I suspect she did. I was in a live chatroom at the time and one of my friends commented , "Well, she sure managed to get your attention!" Come to think of it, we had music playing in the room (a rare occurrence) and that may have made her feel my attention was diverted from her.
I can't believe it was just the sound of the music, because I have known her rave on really loudly at times and when I tell her she has been calling out she says she wasn't aware of it. You can't help wondering where the truth of it all is............ I will draw a veil of silence over the following clean-up operations.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
Anyway, we had had a couple of days of unrelenting attention-seeking - even more than usual. It is fairly normal that from waking until finally falling asleep my mom almost continually seeks my presence and attention. This is pretty much the norm. Except for essentials when I leave her to take a shower or a comfort stop, or to wash dishes or cook a meal, she has my presence. However I firmly refuse to sit talking to her all day - which I know would keep her happy - mainly because I need to preserve my own sanity and pursue my living on the internet.
It was the evening of the second of these days. We had had our meal and she was propped up in bed because the evenings are cold right now. I was working on the computer when suddely I heard the tinkle-tinkle of falling liquid. I looked round to see something I had never seen before. My mom was sitting with her mug in hand held at elbow height upside-down over the edge of the bed, and the whole contents of the mug - more green china tea, no less - lay on the floor and on her bedside table.
She actually looked quite funny sitting there like that and I have no idea if she realised what she was doing or not, but I suspect she did. I was in a live chatroom at the time and one of my friends commented , "Well, she sure managed to get your attention!" Come to think of it, we had music playing in the room (a rare occurrence) and that may have made her feel my attention was diverted from her.
I can't believe it was just the sound of the music, because I have known her rave on really loudly at times and when I tell her she has been calling out she says she wasn't aware of it. You can't help wondering where the truth of it all is............ I will draw a veil of silence over the following clean-up operations.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
Sunday, August 27, 2006
More Car Episodes
I was talking below about car dramas. A similar situation to the shopping drama occurs if I drive in to my neighbours for a quick chat on the way home. The same attention-getting scenario has been played out there more than once, and the wife now sits in the car chatting with my mom to give me a few minutes peace to talk to her husband, my farming neighbour - a gesture I really appreciate.
One day I was in my driving seat talking to them as they stood by my side of the car. First of all, my mom announced she needed a drink of water, which the wife brought. This has become a ritual - and very often includes "cadging" a biscuit, much to my embarrassment - I frequently now say "no, we will get that at home," when she starts with the drink of water ploy.
Then she complained of a sore back and leg, and turned on a realhy huge hysteria over it, becoming incoherent and mentally and physically agitated to an extreme degree. So we hastily said our goodbyes and I drove down their short drive, opened our adjacent road gate, drove in, closed the gate, got back in the car and realised how quickly she had become quiet. I said to her, "How are you?" She looked at me quite sharply and said, "I'm Fine." (What's wrong with you? - She's good at that.)
I had to count to 10 VERY VERY slowly. Luckily, I had to get out and open my second gate, which gave me what the experts might euphemistically describe as "stress-relieving physical activity". More to the point, it took her out of my immediate range or I might have almost done something un-daughterly. (Heaven forbid - haha!) I have had similar occurrences when talking on the phone to others - the drama starts up and continues until I finish the conversation and turn my attention back to her. I had never before seen anyone "hysterical", but I think this behaviour of hers pretty much fits the description.
These performances surprise me, because by and large she used to be pretty stoical in her behaviour - although my guess is that underneath she also always expected to be the center of attention. And maybe now I am seeing something closer to what she was like as a small child (daddy's favourite I believe), before learning the "appropriate behavior patterns" we all absorb as we grow up.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
One day I was in my driving seat talking to them as they stood by my side of the car. First of all, my mom announced she needed a drink of water, which the wife brought. This has become a ritual - and very often includes "cadging" a biscuit, much to my embarrassment - I frequently now say "no, we will get that at home," when she starts with the drink of water ploy.
Then she complained of a sore back and leg, and turned on a realhy huge hysteria over it, becoming incoherent and mentally and physically agitated to an extreme degree. So we hastily said our goodbyes and I drove down their short drive, opened our adjacent road gate, drove in, closed the gate, got back in the car and realised how quickly she had become quiet. I said to her, "How are you?" She looked at me quite sharply and said, "I'm Fine." (What's wrong with you? - She's good at that.)
I had to count to 10 VERY VERY slowly. Luckily, I had to get out and open my second gate, which gave me what the experts might euphemistically describe as "stress-relieving physical activity". More to the point, it took her out of my immediate range or I might have almost done something un-daughterly. (Heaven forbid - haha!) I have had similar occurrences when talking on the phone to others - the drama starts up and continues until I finish the conversation and turn my attention back to her. I had never before seen anyone "hysterical", but I think this behaviour of hers pretty much fits the description.
These performances surprise me, because by and large she used to be pretty stoical in her behaviour - although my guess is that underneath she also always expected to be the center of attention. And maybe now I am seeing something closer to what she was like as a small child (daddy's favourite I believe), before learning the "appropriate behavior patterns" we all absorb as we grow up.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
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