The biggest trouble with all this is there is not a great deal the caregiver can do about it, which really makes one feel disempowered. All the advice, verbal and written, from the professionals seems to be that one should at all times humour the patient - at all times be sweet and soothing and nice. Well, I have news for all these people...
I appreciate the importance of this approach in institutions that are being paid for providing a service. I also appreciate its importance in dealing with rude, strong and violent patients, of which I believe Alzheimers has its share. The caregiver should not put themselves in physical danger. Luckily, I don't have a problem in that respect - and I am grateful for it - but no way am I going to be walked all over by someone who has my life in bondage, and come up smiling and sweet no matter what. Sorry!
In many ways my mom is back in her childhood and like a child, she will play a situation for all it is worth. Like any parent, I will only take so much - more on this later - and I find I can tell and tell her, and get no change of behaviour - which might make you think she lacks understanding. BUT if I take out my father's Sergeant-Major voice - though I'm a female I have a fair measure of it - and really let her have it (no swearing - my dad never, ever swore) THEN I can achieve a measure of compliance - even if only for half an hour or so while my vocal chords cool down. This is not something I ever do in town of course - it would never do to be seen shouting at a little old lady.
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2 comments:
Patricia--Amen!! I have found that my "nun's" voice has an effect on my mother (I've actually had more years of Catholic schooling than she has, so I do a "nun's" voice especially well.) Oh, some days are harder than others, too. Some days her behavior rolls off my back more easily but not today. I made her oatmeal for breakfast ("I can't get any taste out of this!" she said) and then a cup of coffee ("Blah! This is bitter!"). "I give up," I snapped. "Throw it all away, I don't care what you eat." I then flounced into my bedroom, where I calmed down and felt better. Sorry, but we do need to do that periodically!!
Deb
Just found your site. Hang in there and I'll keep checking in. I'm adding a link to your site from my own. :)
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