Writing my earlier post about the cup of tea and the toilet roll reminded me of something else that happened about a week ago. It had been a hard couple of days in which I was very conscious of the "ball and chain" effect. This probably sounds unsympathetic: I do in fact realise that this situation is very hard for my mom too, though I know her lack of moment-to-moment awareness of what she is doing probably protects her in some ways from knowing the real situation she is in.
Anyway, we had had a couple of days of unrelenting attention-seeking - even more than usual. It is fairly normal that from waking until finally falling asleep my mom almost continually seeks my presence and attention. This is pretty much the norm. Except for essentials when I leave her to take a shower or a comfort stop, or to wash dishes or cook a meal, she has my presence. However I firmly refuse to sit talking to her all day - which I know would keep her happy - mainly because I need to preserve my own sanity and pursue my living on the internet.
It was the evening of the second of these days. We had had our meal and she was propped up in bed because the evenings are cold right now. I was working on the computer when suddely I heard the tinkle-tinkle of falling liquid. I looked round to see something I had never seen before. My mom was sitting with her mug in hand held at elbow height upside-down over the edge of the bed, and the whole contents of the mug - more green china tea, no less - lay on the floor and on her bedside table.
She actually looked quite funny sitting there like that and I have no idea if she realised what she was doing or not, but I suspect she did. I was in a live chatroom at the time and one of my friends commented , "Well, she sure managed to get your attention!" Come to think of it, we had music playing in the room (a rare occurrence) and that may have made her feel my attention was diverted from her.
I can't believe it was just the sound of the music, because I have known her rave on really loudly at times and when I tell her she has been calling out she says she wasn't aware of it. You can't help wondering where the truth of it all is............ I will draw a veil of silence over the following clean-up operations.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
2 comments:
Patricia--As I read this post, it is a Saturday afternoon, my mother and I are home. She is no longer able to amuse herself at all, it seems--she won't even turn on the television--so she drifts from her bedroom to the living room. Usually she's in the room nearest to where I'm sitting, just waiting for me to keep her company or take her somewhere. It IS like being weighed down--always feeling responsible for this other person, not just for her safety but for her mental well-being. I feel so guilty because I just don't have the energy to keep her occupied--but reading your words has perked me up. It's true--we need to preserve our own sanity and if that means stepping into the bubble occasionally, so be it.
Deb
Deb...I feel for you because I know how hard it is to come to this realisation.
While in my twenties I came to the conclusion the only person in life I could really depend upon was me. We are all in that boat essentially - alone with our destiny. You and I and others like us are doing our best to smooth the path for those we love, but we are not their keepers, we are our own keepers, in the final analysis.
Keep true to yourself - take care!
Patricia
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