Picking up the Pieces in 1985

The day after Ken died I had half a dozen Review hearings to do for the Accident Compensation Corporation - a full day's work. I'd rung the office the afternoon before to tell them he had passed on and was asked if I wanted the hearings schedule cancelled. I'd said no - the show must go on. The rooms had been booked and the arrangements with all the parties were made, and anyway I thought it would be good for me and for Kath not to sit moping. I took her with me.

I always held the Hamilton hearings high up in one of the city's central buildings, with huge windows and great views out over the rooftops. It was a brilliant sunny winter's day. Kath sat in an adjacent room, I popped in and out between my court sessions, and we were able to have lunch together. That was the start of a new phase of life, in which I stepped into my father's shoes. It was the natural thing to do and it was also the only thing to do - there was no-one else.

The other time I felt my dad reach out to me was about 5 months later in early 1986 after we had made the decision not to sell this property - which he'd often said we would have to sell after he was gone. With its half-built house and 10 acres, it wasn't easy to take on, but I loved the place, and could no more have sold it than fly in the air.

It was over the Christmas 1985 holidays, which we spent here, that Kath and I made up our minds to come back here to live. It meant finishing the house, selling my home in Cambridge and moving all my stuff. I also had to complete my contracts with the ACC and the Waikato Polytechnic, where I was the lecturer in Business Law. I was already signed up for the coming year. And I had no idea what I was going to do for an income.

One day not too long after the decision was made, we came home from somewhere and I pulled up at the first of our gates. This is aways kept shut because of stock. As I watched my mom go forward to open the gate for me to drive through, it came to me how many times my dad must have done this over the years, and I suddenly felt his presence again. At that same instant, a powerful sense of warmth, peace, love and "rightness" flooded through me, lasting for several moments. It felt like a blessing - an approval of our decision to stay.

I haven't had any experiences like this with Kath. But one event connected with her had a huge impact on me ...

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