Picking up the Pieces in 1985

The day after Ken died I had half a dozen Review hearings to do for the Accident Compensation Corporation - a full day's work. I'd rung the office the afternoon before to tell them he had passed on and was asked if I wanted the hearings schedule cancelled. I'd said no - the show must go on. The rooms had been booked and the arrangements with all the parties were made, and anyway I thought it would be good for me and for Kath not to sit moping. I took her with me.

I always held the Hamilton hearings high up in one of the city's central buildings, with huge windows and great views out over the rooftops. It was a brilliant sunny winter's day. Kath sat in an adjacent room, I popped in and out between my court sessions, and we were able to have lunch together. That was the start of a new phase of life, in which I stepped into my father's shoes. It was the natural thing to do and it was also the only thing to do - there was no-one else.

The other time I felt my dad reach out to me was about 5 months later in early 1986 after we had made the decision not to sell this property - which he'd often said we would have to sell after he was gone. With its half-built house and 10 acres, it wasn't easy to take on, but I loved the place, and could no more have sold it than fly in the air.

It was over the Christmas 1985 holidays, which we spent here, that Kath and I made up our minds to come back here to live. It meant finishing the house, selling my home in Cambridge and moving all my stuff. I also had to complete my contracts with the ACC and the Waikato Polytechnic, where I was the lecturer in Business Law. I was already signed up for the coming year. And I had no idea what I was going to do for an income.

One day not too long after the decision was made, we came home from somewhere and I pulled up at the first of our gates. This is aways kept shut because of stock. As I watched my mom go forward to open the gate for me to drive through, it came to me how many times my dad must have done this over the years, and I suddenly felt his presence again. At that same instant, a powerful sense of warmth, peace, love and "rightness" flooded through me, lasting for several moments. It felt like a blessing - an approval of our decision to stay.

I haven't had any experiences like this with Kath. But one event connected with her had a huge impact on me ...

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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, after death communication, ADC

Thursday, 8th August 1985

My dad died in the Waikato Hospital in Hamilton in August 1985, just a couple of days before his birthday. It was a huge wrench for both me and my mom.

Kath had spent a very grueling week at his side in the Waikato Hospital. When it was all over we went back to my house in the late afternoon and once we got to bed that night she was soon asleep.

But I lay awake with a book I'd brought back to New Zealand 2 years back from his twin sister's estate in Marblehead MA called "Life After Life" by Raymond Moody - a doctor who researched many near-death episodes after some of his patients started telling him about their experiences. My dad was no longer on this earth and I simply wanted to understand what might be happening to him, that was all. I'd read the book before, but I needed to read it again.

How long I'd been reading I don't know but suddenly I was aware of my father's presence in the room. I can recall this as clearly as if it was yesterday.

"Well, Ken," I said inside my head, "I guess you know all about everything, now."
"No," he replied, "Not everything ... just some things ..." With that, he was gone. I put the book down and settled down to sleep.

Now, you might tell me I had dozed and dreamed it. You might say the book influenced my mind - although it says nothing about ADCs (After Death Communications). It focuses entirely on experiences of people who were either close to death or died clinically and who for one reason or another revived and lived to tell the tale. Definitely no ADCs there.

In fact, though I've got a couple of books on ADC listed in the sidebar for visitors who might be interested, I have to confess I STILL haven't read a single book on the topic, and probably never will. So ADC sure wasn't in my thoughts 20 years ago.

Like it or not, I choose to see this episode as evidence, not only that there is a life beyond death, but also that the process of growing and learning continues, as my father had always said.

I think he came back to tell me that.

Framed Art Prints and Posters @ Artflakes

Kunstdrucke, Leinwanddrucke, Gallery Prints und Poster von Patricia Howitt

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Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, after death communication, ADC