I have now come to realise that though we may call ourselves Christian because of our general belief system, until we actually commit our lives to Christ, hand over the reins and ask Him to lead us, we belong to the world of His adversary. Many people do not realise that, and nor did I.
I managed to take my mom to attend a couple of services at church, but she didn't really enjoy them, or fully understand what was going on. The music upset her, which was a bit of a drama, but at least I tried. I realised very clearly that she no longer had the understanding for the sinner's prayer and the step I'd just taken. I was very sad about that.
The only thing I could comfort myself with was that throughout the middle stages of her illness we had frequently recited the Lord's Prayer, and it was she who always began it, though increasingly I had to finish it off. Earlier than that even, when we managed our flock of dairy goats, our favorite saying had been the old hymn, "Shepherd show me how to go o'er the hillside steep. How to gather, how to sow, how to feed Thy sheep ..."
Yes, Kath brought me up to it, and in the latter years of her dementia, she also cried out to God a lot in her everyday speech.
The first weekend in November, when she was in care again, the church had a healing service, and afterwards I went forward and asked for prayer for my mom. The Pastor took my face in her hands and said "Your mom's time is very close, but the Lord sees what you have been doing and He is well pleased with you." She went on to pray for us both.
This revelation hit me hard. It is strange how we know an outcome is inevitable, and yet when we are told it is close, the truth comes as a shock. I can remember afterwards while eveyone was chatting and having a cup of tea, I sat on a bench close to the door and looked out at the trees and the sunshine, trying to come to grips with it.
"Very close." How soon is very close? Weeks? Months? ... Days?
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