Saturday, July 08, 2006

Telling It Like It Is

Think about it - put yourself in the shoes of someone you know whose life is tied up as a caregiver - and don't fudge the issue with excuses like "Oh, but she likes doing it.", "Oh, but it gives her someone to care for."     It's natural not to want to face this issue - but it's also inexcusable, especially for other family members.   So think carefully and take some responsibility in your family circumstances, if this applies to you.     I have no siblings to take issue with, but I know if I had I would be fair vexed to be expected to sacrifice my quality of life, future, and earning capacity for them and their offspring.

My mother's family was no different from most. Of the 6 children my grandmother bore, only 4 were still living at my grandfather's death - 2 girls and 2 boys - 2 marriages and 2 broken marriages. For whatever reasons, none of them took my grandmother in. She apparently didn't have dementia problems and looked after her own brother for awhile, but tired of being unpaid housekeeper to a man who would do nothing around the place and wanted to spend all his days in the local library. She sent him packing and I guess she died alone. I often think of those few things I can remember about her.

My father's military family had other traditions. Daughters were intended to look after elderly parents, apparently - I guess it was the kind of family tradition that no-one ever tells you about.   My father's twin sister was a single career woman and looked after their mother until she died, but then flew like a bird to the USA and worked and lived in the Boston area for about 26 years. Good for her.   As for me - well, my dad (especially) and mom were never in line with the idea of me marrying.   In fact my dad made sure I was programmed from a very early age....   "A career" was a much better option.   Say no more.   There were some other factors involved in my staying single, but there are still times when I have to work very hard to keep my thoughts and feelings towards my parents "charitable" on this topic - especially now!
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