So there I was, with all this weighing heavily. I literally didn't know any more what I wanted to achieve with my life. This is no exaggeration.
All that stood before me seemed to be the downward slope. Even my beloved art seemed to be a hopeless cause - it was very hard to settle down and create a painting that I could not be sure of selling quickly, when I badly needed money "NOW".
Desperate, I analysed my situation, and decided I couldn't do anything about having to look after my mom, but I could do something about my thinking. What we think - consciously or subconsciously - is the key to what we get in life - I knew that. I also realised I was in danger of bringing about the very situation that I feared most.
I turned again to my favourite self-help books by John Kehoe. I didn't know how to correct whatever was wrong with my thought patterns, they must run so deep. I understood goals and visualising, but even that was beyond me. After all the crashes, I had no faith in my ability to come up with sensible goals. "Visualising" was a bad joke - not to mention impossible. Things were black and I knew it.
I formed a plan, borne out of the barren wasteland of my mind - get right back to basics, none of this fancy visualising, goal-setting stuff. Focus totally on weeding out the brain's incessant chatter from day to day, minute to minute. This was entirely my own plan - so I asked for guidance, tried to know it was on its way, and monitored my thought patterns - rigorously. Every time I caught myself worrying about my future and losing my home, I looked around me for things to give thanks for right there, and did just that every minute I could. I gave thanks for the sky and the trees and the flowers and the house I live in, instead of looking at all the things about the place that needed doing.
I gave thanks for my pets instead of reflecting that maybe they shouldn't be in the house, or chiding myself because someone had made a mess. I gave thanks for my mother. I tried to pick up on every single little negative thought and turn it into a thanks instead of a stress factor.
This is NOT an easy practice - it requires concentration, determination and persistence, long term. The brain loves wallowing in negativity and doesn't like being disciplined at first - it will in fact try to make you feel like a fool for saying anything positive.
Just say the positive, grateful stuff anyway, whether you believe in what you are saying or not. Believe me, this is THE KEY to turning your life around, and I outline it here in the hope it will help someone else battling with the problems of being a caregiver.
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
3 comments:
Patricia--It's interesting to me how many caregivers go through this rather daunting mental adjustment. We each may find a different mentor, but it seems crucial to learn this form of mindfulness in our situation, in order to face our responsibilites. But being faced with the immovable (our parents' situations and their need for care) is sometimes a gift in disguise--at least it has been for me. Reading this entry, I suspect it has been for you, too. You can "settle down" with a sense of gratefulness, while worry keeps you moving in cirles.
Deb Peterson
Patricia--It's interesting to me how many caregivers go through this rather daunting mental adjustment. We each may find a different mentor, but it seems crucial to learn this form of mindfulness in our situation, in order to face our responsibilites. But being faced with the immovable (our parents' situations and their need for care) is sometimes a gift in disguise--at least it has been for me. Reading this entry, I suspect it has been for you, too. You can "settle down" with a sense of gratefulness, while worry keeps you moving in cirles.
Deb Peterson
Hi Deb
Thank you so much for your comments - yes, you are right: I have learned so much from all of this, and am still learning and still have to keep up the brain work. I had been playing around with self-help stuff for years, but it's not until you hit absolute rock bottom that you have to find a way to apply it so it works. I know in my heart all this is a gift for my future - at least, I hope so!!!
Patricia
Post a Comment