When I got to the hospital on Friday morning they had moved her back into the intensive care ward. It was bright and sunny - much nicer than the room she had been in for most of the week. For the first time since she was admitted, her body was completely at peace. She lay unconscious on her back with her mouth open and her eyes closed, and a brightly-colored soft toy ladybird clutched in one hand.
They had moved the morphine shunt round to her back because she kept pulling it out of her arm, and I could hear from time to time the now familiar "zzzt" as it delivered a measured dose of the drug into her body.
There was a CD player by the bed with some relaxing music playing. I went back to the car and brought out some Christian CDs. The one I chose was "Simply Worship II" by Hillsongs Australia, which has some very beautiful tracks. And I sat down by the bed, put my hand on hers and prayed to God to take her - as I had done several times over the past few days.
Pastor Lynley arrived at 1pm. She came up to the head of the bed and took hold of my mother's other hand. Bending down with her face very close to Kath's she began a wonderful whispered 'conversation' with her. She reminded Kath that soon she would be with the Lord and she would then have a perfect, beautiful, spiritual body, like the body she had as a young woman. She talked about the beauty of heaven and the joy of leaving this earth for a new existence that has no end. And I watched in fascination as her love and care reached out to touch my mother's soul. I thought of the deathbed stories I'd read and seen, and hoped Kath's soul WAS listening, somewhere nearby.
Then Lynley asked me, "Have you told her she can go?" Surprised, I said "No." I had been so busy asking God to take her, that I hadn't thought of that.
"Tell her she can go," Lynley said.
I put my hand on Kath's arm. "Lovey, you can go!" It was a painful moment.
Lynley took out her anointing oil and finished her task. We had a few moments together and then she went, having travelled nearly an hour to get there. I shall be forever grateful for the very special, personal way she ministered to my mom that day - and I shall never forget it.
- - -
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Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Last Week
The next 6 days were agonizing. The morphine stood between us, so that - something I hadn't really anticipated - "normal" contact with my mother was now over.
For the first couple of days I helped her a bit with eating, but then she started refusing food, pushing away the hands that were trying to help her. On the Wednesday she was obviously hallucinating - crying out and pointing at some terrible thing that only she could see.
On the Thursday I had to go into town for a lunch meeting with some friends to discuss webdesign work that I was doing for them. They asked me how my mom was and I poured out my fears and worries. The wife asked me if she could help - she is a psychic - and she said she was doing quite a lot of work helping people through the process of death.
I have never in my life sought psychic advice or been to mediums or fortune-tellers. To me, that was equivalent to handing your mind over into someone else's control because, like it or not, whatever you are told about your future is going to stay with you and influence your mental processes from there on. But I was beside myself with worry about my mom. I have high respect for this lady - and this was slightly different. So I agreed. I asked her to find out if there was anything I could do to help Kath.
That night she rang to tell me that Kath's soul was actually now quite far away from her body, and that she felt alone and lost. "Get your Pastor in," she advised. So I rang Pastor Lynley and made an appointment with her for lunchtime Friday at the hospital.
I am truly grateful that I got this help. One of the problems for those of us who don't have a heap of experience about sickness and death is that there are so many unknowns. I had no idea how long patients in this condition can last. The doctor had told me that if she refused all food and drink she would last possibly 4 or 5 days before her kidneys gave out, but even the hospital wasn't too sure, because they were making preparations to discharge her out into my care (with the help of the District Nurses and the Hospice) on the following Monday, when her week's Respite Care was due to come to an end.
As it turned out, my friend's advice was very timely.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
For the first couple of days I helped her a bit with eating, but then she started refusing food, pushing away the hands that were trying to help her. On the Wednesday she was obviously hallucinating - crying out and pointing at some terrible thing that only she could see.
On the Thursday I had to go into town for a lunch meeting with some friends to discuss webdesign work that I was doing for them. They asked me how my mom was and I poured out my fears and worries. The wife asked me if she could help - she is a psychic - and she said she was doing quite a lot of work helping people through the process of death.
I have never in my life sought psychic advice or been to mediums or fortune-tellers. To me, that was equivalent to handing your mind over into someone else's control because, like it or not, whatever you are told about your future is going to stay with you and influence your mental processes from there on. But I was beside myself with worry about my mom. I have high respect for this lady - and this was slightly different. So I agreed. I asked her to find out if there was anything I could do to help Kath.
That night she rang to tell me that Kath's soul was actually now quite far away from her body, and that she felt alone and lost. "Get your Pastor in," she advised. So I rang Pastor Lynley and made an appointment with her for lunchtime Friday at the hospital.
I am truly grateful that I got this help. One of the problems for those of us who don't have a heap of experience about sickness and death is that there are so many unknowns. I had no idea how long patients in this condition can last. The doctor had told me that if she refused all food and drink she would last possibly 4 or 5 days before her kidneys gave out, but even the hospital wasn't too sure, because they were making preparations to discharge her out into my care (with the help of the District Nurses and the Hospice) on the following Monday, when her week's Respite Care was due to come to an end.
As it turned out, my friend's advice was very timely.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Interlude
Later that evening on the internet, I typed "gangrene" into google. Looking through the results, I noticed a website called Reverse Gangrene, and went to investigate.
It is a website well worth looking at for people dealing with the elderly and with circulation problems. To anyone with an understanding of alternative medicine, it makes sense, and the product is exceptional. I showed the information to our doctor the following day and asked her if I should order some. She was impressed and said "Yes!"
But it wasn't to be. When I rang the firm in Canada, there had been an unprecedented run on the product and they were completely out of stock for 6 weeks while more was being manufactured.
So: I had been given access to the information - but Kath's time had really come at last.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
It is a website well worth looking at for people dealing with the elderly and with circulation problems. To anyone with an understanding of alternative medicine, it makes sense, and the product is exceptional. I showed the information to our doctor the following day and asked her if I should order some. She was impressed and said "Yes!"
But it wasn't to be. When I rang the firm in Canada, there had been an unprecedented run on the product and they were completely out of stock for 6 weeks while more was being manufactured.
So: I had been given access to the information - but Kath's time had really come at last.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Hospital Again
I rang our small hospital and they told me to bring her in right away. As we drove the few miles to get there, she once again turned to me in the car and said, "I love you."
"I love you too." I replied, my heart heavy. My mind was in turmoil.
They admited her to the small emergency ward and ran the usual admission tests. Then I had a long talk with the doctor on duty, who happened to be our own lady doctor. We canvassed the possibilities - amputation, or let the disease take its course.
I felt within me a stong resistance to putting her through surgery. And something kept saying, "For what purpose? What quality of life does she have to warrant putting her through all that just to keep her alive?" I told Doctor Alison how I felt and she concurred - "We'll get her on morphine for the pain," she said, "and we can always rethink it." It isn't easy having someone's life in your hands.
After I got home that evening - a beautiful, warm February evening - I walked up onto my hill below the big rock. My last few goats were grazing quietly there and I thought of the many times Kath and I had moved the flock around our small paddocks in our farming years.
I sat down on the grass not far from where they were and looked out over
the Waiare Valley to the distant hills beyond.
This property has been in my family since 1969 and I know my parents loved it as much as I do. I needed to be outside, to feel the power of the earth and its Creator, to ground myself for the decision that still lay upon me.
It's very hard to decide to "do nothing" when the inevitable outcome is going to be the death of a loved one. I must have sat there for half an hour, thinking and praying. Finally as I got to my feet I was able to say, "Lord, thy will be done." ... and mean it.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
"I love you too." I replied, my heart heavy. My mind was in turmoil.
They admited her to the small emergency ward and ran the usual admission tests. Then I had a long talk with the doctor on duty, who happened to be our own lady doctor. We canvassed the possibilities - amputation, or let the disease take its course.
I felt within me a stong resistance to putting her through surgery. And something kept saying, "For what purpose? What quality of life does she have to warrant putting her through all that just to keep her alive?" I told Doctor Alison how I felt and she concurred - "We'll get her on morphine for the pain," she said, "and we can always rethink it." It isn't easy having someone's life in your hands.
After I got home that evening - a beautiful, warm February evening - I walked up onto my hill below the big rock. My last few goats were grazing quietly there and I thought of the many times Kath and I had moved the flock around our small paddocks in our farming years. I sat down on the grass not far from where they were and looked out over
the Waiare Valley to the distant hills beyond.
This property has been in my family since 1969 and I know my parents loved it as much as I do. I needed to be outside, to feel the power of the earth and its Creator, to ground myself for the decision that still lay upon me.
It's very hard to decide to "do nothing" when the inevitable outcome is going to be the death of a loved one. I must have sat there for half an hour, thinking and praying. Finally as I got to my feet I was able to say, "Lord, thy will be done." ... and mean it.
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Back Home
When I got Kath home I soon found out how much she had lost during that week. It was now very hard to get her walking with the frame and I had some awful struggles getting her to the bathroom. Our District Nurse (who also did part-time at the hospital) confirmed my suspicions. "I told them what they were doing would make things hard for you," she said. Kath also seemed to be losing her appetite, which wasn't like her and it had me worried.
While she was away I'd bought a secondhand Lazyboy chair because I'd heard she enjoyed the one at Kawakawa, so when our District Nurse called on the Wednesday, she was sitting there in all her glory. So far so good - the toe was pronounced satisfactory.
But when the nurse came back on the Friday (16th February) she shook her head. "This doesn't look good to me." she said. "It looks like gangrene."
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
While she was away I'd bought a secondhand Lazyboy chair because I'd heard she enjoyed the one at Kawakawa, so when our District Nurse called on the Wednesday, she was sitting there in all her glory. So far so good - the toe was pronounced satisfactory.
But when the nurse came back on the Friday (16th February) she shook her head. "This doesn't look good to me." she said. "It looks like gangrene."
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian, gangrene
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The Foot
We had been having problems with small pressure sores on Kath's feet - not unusual in the elderly. She wasn't a diabetic but foot circulation weakens when they don't walk very well, and she had become less and less mobile. She had a walking frame now and the District Nurses were coming twice a week.
One sore on the side of her right big toe wasn't healing and the nurses were debriding it carefully. Then on the recommendation of a relieving District Nurse she was seen by a doctor who sliced off some of the slough. Things flared up and about 4 days later she was referred down to the hospital at Kawakawa about 45 miles away with cellulitis of the toe. That was Tuesday 6th February 2007.
We drove down and finally got into A&E. There was a very nice South African doctor on duty there, and in spite of everything I was tickled to see Kath flirting with him. I am grateful for the way he treated her as a real human being, and at the same time gave me that momentary flashback to the mother I once had. Finally, she got admitted to a ward and after spending a little time with her I was free to drive back home.
She was in there for a week. I think they had a bit of trouble getting her settled to start with, but they had seen how tired I was and they told me not to go down, so I stayed away until they discharged her on the following Tuesday.
When I got there she was is a nightie in a wheelchair and I guessed right away that she probably hadn't walked much all week. They didn't have her hair tied up in a little ponytail like I always did (it made her look younger that way) and as I wheeled her out to the car I looked down on the top of her head and realised how fragile it was.
I got her loaded into the vehicle and off we went. Before we had gone very far, she turned to me and said, "I love you."
"I love you too," I replied. "Come on, let's get an ice-cream."
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian
One sore on the side of her right big toe wasn't healing and the nurses were debriding it carefully. Then on the recommendation of a relieving District Nurse she was seen by a doctor who sliced off some of the slough. Things flared up and about 4 days later she was referred down to the hospital at Kawakawa about 45 miles away with cellulitis of the toe. That was Tuesday 6th February 2007.
We drove down and finally got into A&E. There was a very nice South African doctor on duty there, and in spite of everything I was tickled to see Kath flirting with him. I am grateful for the way he treated her as a real human being, and at the same time gave me that momentary flashback to the mother I once had. Finally, she got admitted to a ward and after spending a little time with her I was free to drive back home.
She was in there for a week. I think they had a bit of trouble getting her settled to start with, but they had seen how tired I was and they told me not to go down, so I stayed away until they discharged her on the following Tuesday.
When I got there she was is a nightie in a wheelchair and I guessed right away that she probably hadn't walked much all week. They didn't have her hair tied up in a little ponytail like I always did (it made her look younger that way) and as I wheeled her out to the car I looked down on the top of her head and realised how fragile it was.
I got her loaded into the vehicle and off we went. Before we had gone very far, she turned to me and said, "I love you."
"I love you too," I replied. "Come on, let's get an ice-cream."
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Valley Narrows
I have now come to realise that though we may call ourselves Christian because of our general belief system, until we actually commit our lives to Christ, hand over the reins and ask Him to lead us, we belong to the world of His adversary. Many people do not realise that, and nor did I.
I managed to take my mom to attend a couple of services at church, but she didn't really enjoy them, or fully understand what was going on. The music upset her, which was a bit of a drama, but at least I tried. I realised very clearly that she no longer had the understanding for the sinner's prayer and the step I'd just taken. I was very sad about that.
The only thing I could comfort myself with was that throughout the middle stages of her illness we had frequently recited the Lord's Prayer, and it was she who always began it, though increasingly I had to finish it off. Earlier than that even, when we managed our flock of dairy goats, our favorite saying had been the old hymn, "Shepherd show me how to go o'er the hillside steep. How to gather, how to sow, how to feed Thy sheep ..."
Yes, Kath brought me up to it, and in the latter years of her dementia, she also cried out to God a lot in her everyday speech.
The first weekend in November, when she was in care again, the church had a healing service, and afterwards I went forward and asked for prayer for my mom. The Pastor took my face in her hands and said "Your mom's time is very close, but the Lord sees what you have been doing and He is well pleased with you." She went on to pray for us both.
This revelation hit me hard. It is strange how we know an outcome is inevitable, and yet when we are told it is close, the truth comes as a shock. I can remember afterwards while eveyone was chatting and having a cup of tea, I sat on a bench close to the door and looked out at the trees and the sunshine, trying to come to grips with it.
"Very close." How soon is very close? Weeks? Months? ... Days?
- - -
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian
I managed to take my mom to attend a couple of services at church, but she didn't really enjoy them, or fully understand what was going on. The music upset her, which was a bit of a drama, but at least I tried. I realised very clearly that she no longer had the understanding for the sinner's prayer and the step I'd just taken. I was very sad about that.
The only thing I could comfort myself with was that throughout the middle stages of her illness we had frequently recited the Lord's Prayer, and it was she who always began it, though increasingly I had to finish it off. Earlier than that even, when we managed our flock of dairy goats, our favorite saying had been the old hymn, "Shepherd show me how to go o'er the hillside steep. How to gather, how to sow, how to feed Thy sheep ..."
Yes, Kath brought me up to it, and in the latter years of her dementia, she also cried out to God a lot in her everyday speech.
The first weekend in November, when she was in care again, the church had a healing service, and afterwards I went forward and asked for prayer for my mom. The Pastor took my face in her hands and said "Your mom's time is very close, but the Lord sees what you have been doing and He is well pleased with you." She went on to pray for us both.
This revelation hit me hard. It is strange how we know an outcome is inevitable, and yet when we are told it is close, the truth comes as a shock. I can remember afterwards while eveyone was chatting and having a cup of tea, I sat on a bench close to the door and looked out at the trees and the sunshine, trying to come to grips with it.
"Very close." How soon is very close? Weeks? Months? ... Days?
- - -
Technorati Tags:
alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease, death, dying, die, christian
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