Another big drama was with sleeping arrangements. When we first moved back up home in 1986-87 we lived as she had done for 15 years with my dad in a small A-frame cottage with sleeping/sitting benches on either side and a sink and cooking bench under the front window. It is an awesome little place with the design and feel of a boat interior, built by my dad for them to live in while they built the main house. So essentially we were both in the same room.
When we moved over to the big house after its completion, we slept initially on mattresses on the floor in the smaller room until my furniture arrived. We then fitted out the two bedrooms with my queen-sized bed in her larger room and a single bed in my room. Although she had lived in the A-frame alone for about 8 months in 1986, Kath put up a fuss about sleeping alone and I moved in with her for a short time, but I positively hated it and finally went back to my own room next door.
That lasted for some time - it was during this period that I heard her trying to get the cat to sleep with her - but eventually she would keep getting up and coming to me in my room during the night. I got so fed up with her coming in and waking me that I finally moved back in with her. Again, I hated it. Once more, the relentless persistence.
Now that her mobility is more impaired, we have moved downstairs to be warmer and closer to my workspace, and for the last 2 years I have actually had a bed of my own again - a squab on top of a bench, while she has the bed down here. But at least it's my own "bed", and I don't feel like I am sleeping with my mother. Be thankful for small mercies, Patricia!
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3 comments:
I spent a little time sleeping in my mother's room when she hurt her back, then again when her sodium was dropping...I didn't know what was happening, except that she was very weak. I didn't sleep in her bed because she's incontinent, and, anyway, I'm not good at sleeping with people. Both times were very uncomfortable for both of us. I've told her that if she ever feels as though she'd be more comfortable with us sleeping in the same room, I'll do that. But, frankly, I hope she never feels this way, or, if she does, it is close to the end of her life. I know exactly what you're talking about. Giving up one's preference in sleeping quarters is a little like someone coming to live in one's unconscious...not comfortable at all!
Patricia--My mother wanted me to sleep with her after my father died. I did a couple of times, but then moved into the extra bedroom, keeping the door open. Sometimes I think the irony is that our mothers can get the help and support they do from us because we've pretty much taken care of ourselves all our adulthood--which means, in my case, that I've never married and have cultivated a certain independence and "space" for myself and find it very hard to close that space enough to sleep with someone. I do feel the way Gail does--it's like someone trying to get inside me! But I have had to get myself used to her always wanting to be near me--this has been tough because I've lived alone for so long and actually need the alone time. From reading your posts so far, I'm guessing that you are in a similar position.
Gail and Deb
You are both sooo right. I find it hard to keep my patience sometimes because it never bothered my parents one jot that I lived alone - they actually set me up and encouraged me to do so - yet now my mother will not be left alone for a moment and would really like me to sit by her side and talk to her all day as well as sleeping in her bed. No way!!!!
The hard part is though that being now in the situation we are in, we end up (at least I do and I am sure you are the same) feeling guilty because we are not doing exactly what these lovely ladies want us to do.
It does help though to know that one is not alone in dealing with these dramas!
Patricia
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