As I've had feedback from the first part of this post, and people are connecting with my earlier comments, I'll just develop this line of thought a little. Unawareness of the concerns of others is a painful reality for the caregiver.
About four years ago I had a riding accident. This was at a time when I was still able to take my mom over to a friend's place and we could leave her sitting in front of the television for an hour while we went out for a ride. I was riding a horse called "Killer" (silly me!) and he threw me and dislocated my left elbow. Fortunately, we were not too far from my friend's place so she took the horses home, packed my mom into the back of her vehicle, and returned for me. In considerable pain, I had to hold onto my arm while walking. We arrived at the clinic about 3.30pm and then had to go up the road to get x-rays taken, then back to the clinic. The doctors examined the x-rays and said they would either have to reduce the dislocation then and there, or else I would have to go an hour and a half's drive to the nearest sizeable hospital.
They left me to ponder on this news, and I waited quite some time before they got back to me, as one or two accidents came in that day. They finally got my elbow back in and my friend drove us home - there I was at teatime cooking a meal for us both with my arm in a sling. I take my hat off to my friend - she took charge wonderfully, ferried me wherever I had to go and kept an eye on both me and my mom. All my mom was aware of that day was that she was "left alone" in someone's car, and she wanted a drink of water.
Again, the drink of water. The funny thing is she only ever takes a small sip when she gets it - I suspect it's an attention-getting ploy like children use when they are put to bed. I often say that if I was drowning in the middle of our pond she would stand on the bank and tell me she needs a drink of water. Maybe I should make a cartoon of that.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
3 comments:
Patricia--Have you read David Shenk's book The Forgetting? It's not really a caregiver's manual--he combines personal stories with hard science and psychology, it's like a camera that goes in for a close-up and then pulls back. In one section he writes about what he calls "retrogression"--the incremental loss of basic functions that AD patients often suffer to some degree or another. Apparently some psychologists see a corresponding loss of emotional maturity. I've noticed this with my mother, too--I think it might be why so many of us feel like our roles have been reversed: because our mothers can't control their emotions as well as they used to, they remind us of children. I don't know how far you could take this analogy, but sometimes I keep it in the back of my head when trying to respond to particularly difficult "Mom" behaviors. Instead of reasoning with her, I might now just firmly say something like "It will be alright. I'll take care of it." And she usually doesn't need much more than that. Of course, it took me a long time to learn this!
Deb Peterson
Deb - I think you have developed a very wise strategy. Sometimes it's best just to "go with the flow". I have no doubt whatever that with my mom the roles are reversed - except that when she gets in the mood she is convinced she is still in charge lol.
Patricia
Hello Mona
It's very interesting to see how some behaviours do vary. My mother's anxiety is very definitely focussed on herself though it also extends to our pets on occasion!
Patricia
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