I missed having my business in town and felt defeated that I had given it up. Although I continued to work for one or two clients from a distance, it wasn't easy to keep these contacts going from 20 miles away - and if I went travelling to see people, obviously I had to take my mother with me. That caused more stress and difficulties. I was dabbling with internet businesses but nothing came up at that time to take the place of what I had been doing, although I spent quite some effort and dollars trying to explore online businesses.
Two years later when I got the chance to open up again in our local village, I took it gladly - the whole venue was more relaxed than the town, the little village more casual, and I thought I might be able to make a go of it. That was a big mistake. I soon found that trying to look after my mom and a business in the public eye was just too stressful and regretfully I closed the doors for a second time, with debts over my head. To this day I have people who say they miss my presence there. I guess the best I can say about it is at least I did it -
I would probably have always been wishing I had, otherwise.
At about the same time I also gave up a job in sole charge of a health store on Saturday mornings. I had worked there for 7 years, and was welcome to take my mom with me, which I always did. Basically, she was happy sitting in the room behind the shop and for several years would sometimes even go shopping. But towards the end she could no longer do shopping, and even being there with me when there were no customers was not enough - when I walked out of the back room straight into the shop to serve people, she would call out for me. It became totally untenable. The noose was tightening - on us both I guess, but especially on me.
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alzheimers, alzheimers care, dementia, caregiver, alzheimers disease
2 comments:
Patricia--While I haven't had exactly the same experiences as you, I feel complete sympathy. Sometimes when I'm in bed at night I try to remember what my mother was like before being affected by AD. Before she became passive and kind of clingy, and when she used to initiate and do things on her own. Sometimes I catch myself trying to "fast-forward" to a time when this is all over, until I realize what that means.
I'm so glad you're writing this out, Patricia. And I like that you're presenting it as a narrative--I sometimes look at the beautiful photo of your Mom as I read and I feel that I'm reading about a whole person, rather than just "an Alzheimer sufferer." I have the feeling that, as hard as your accommodations to your Mom can be, you are someone who will make it all a meaningful part of your journey. One of my favorite quotes is from Henry James: "Try to be one of the people on whom nothing is lost!"--and you seem like one of those people.
Deb
Deb - I want to thank you for all of your coments on my story. It IS helping me to go through all this in writing - and, believe me, I still go through a whole gamut of feelings on a daily basis.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done - and I am sure every one of us sole charge carers would say exactly the same. It is a hugely important area of life that a lot of people are missing out on seeing, let alone understanding. I think those of us who are there need to document it one way or another, and your input has been tremendously valuable to me, because you bring some great insights to bear on my situation. Thank you! It is great to be able to reach across the world and find kindred spirits thousands of miles away!
Patricia
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